16 July 2015

Comments on the Twilight Storytellers films

After having a voice in whom the main character would be, the script, and the director, we finally have the films to view and vote on. There were six (6) scripts judged to proceed to director pitches. A director was chosen for each script to proceed and film. One wild card film was selected for the final group to put to public vote. There were a total of nine (9) films submitted to the panel for judging, we have seven (7) to view and vote on. Here is the link for Tongal to view and vote: https://tongal.com/twilight.  Voting started on Tuesday 14 July and runs for one (1) week.

Before getting to my comments on each one, I want to thank all who participated. It is apparent that much time and effort was put into each film. Best wishes to all.

In alphabetical order here are my comments on each of the seven (7) films.

Consumed, a Jane story
I don’t get the imagery while she is hurting others, especially when she is at the stake to be burned as a witch. Everything feels very canon. I hope they just used cool air to ‘kill’ the butterfly. Aro was creepy good when first introduced to the twins. His sudden disappearance and Jane’s side long look back was great. It was neat to see a member of the Olympic Coven in the crowd scene as twins were to burn. Such a sweet young lady yelling at the twins while at the stake added to the creepiness. The end was well done.

Groundskeeper, an Alice story
This was well done and creepy, but something felt off about it. My recollection is that James was alone when he came for Alice, however someone commented that Victoria was around as a distraction. I can’t find my Illustrated Guide to check on it one way or other. I liked the interaction between the groundskeeper and Alice, but the room was too big and too light from what I recall of description. The fight scene didn’t flow well for me. Maybe it was meant to be choppy. Maybe my recollection of the details makes this feel so off for me.

The Mary Alice Brandon File, an Alice story
The falling rain and falling pearls imagery was wonderful. Using the doctor’s notes in her file was nice. The doctor’s pipe smoke drifting over Alice as move to a memory was cool. All of the transitions to Alice’s memories were smooth and clear. The actress seems too tall for adult Alice, even if really only saw her laying down on the treatment table or curled in on herself. She did a good job of portraying Alice slowly loosing memory and trying to hold on as she has the repeated shock treatments. I liked her side glance at the end, mischievous childlike nature clearly there. The end credits done over the hospital window was neat.

Masque, an Esme story and wild card
Her struggle with newborn bloodlust was well done. Her entrance into the ball with the beating hearts and people with masques on was excellent. I do think Edward should have been there with her until met up with Carlisle. Esme was initially not going to attend so Carlisle had gone earlier. Esme’s flashbacks were a little hard to follow as flashbacks. Her strong mothering instinct was brought out along with bloodlust when the host’s daughter ran out and he followed her to ‘discipline’ her.

Sunrise, a Benjamin and Tia story
Great use of the sunrise in background imagery throughout the film. Loved the end credits presentation. Interesting to see them initially meet as orphaned children. The fire effects were good. Interesting at the end going from his eyes to her eyes as her choice is made and done.

Turncoats, a Garrett and Carlisle story
Great dry humor lines from all but the soldiers. Good looking actors for Carlisle and Garrett. Some interesting close up camera shots of the wounds and sewing it up after removing the musket balls. Nice use of period language from the nurse.

We’ve Met Before, an Alice and Jasper story
Big hair problems – Alice’s was too long and Jasper’s too short. The music did not fit in my opinion. I’m pretty sure canon says that they did not stay in the diner. The overall feel was off for me on this one. 

15 July 2015

About Poems - Weight Of, Alone, and So Tired - and other things.

A couple of weeks ago I had a meeting after Sacrament with one of my Visiting Teachers and another sister she visit teaches. Early in conversation I was asked why I didn’t attend Relief Society, our first meeting on Sundays. I tried to open up and explain the struggle to convince myself to get up and come. The response I heard (please note not what was said, but what I heard) was don’t need friends, be a loner like me. I got up and left, I may have said something along lines of ‘too long’ as leaving. I was hurting and I was frustrated that my struggle apparently was not heard, not even really listened to. I had previously told this sister that I was chronically depressed and that conversation was quickly ended and only contact was brief at church. I didn’t hear from either sister until the next Sunday. These three poems came out from that incident. These are similar to ones I wrote in August and September of 2011 after similar event of overwhelming feelings of being rejected or ignored. 

Be advised that I am chronically depressed and I am not going to hide that on this blog any longer, starting with sharing these poems and their personal nature. I was on anti-depressants for years and actually feel better generally now that I stopped taking them. There are times when events really get me down, this event being one of them. The negative thoughts are always there, sometimes easier to counteract than other times. Going to church is especially hard, being alone in a crowd where there are people I would like to know better.

I know church is not a social venue, but where we go to learn and uplift each other. I’m ‘wrapped up so well to protect myself’ from the ‘alone in crowd’ feelings I don’t really feel much of anything at church. Praying or not praying doesn’t matter I still hurt. Reading scriptures or not reading doesn’t matter I still hurt. Attending all my meetings and doing all the other service things or not doesn’t matter I still hurt. What little faith and hope I have apparently is not enough. I wonder how I keep going at times. 

Poem: So Tired

So tired.
Been alone
So long
Too long.
No one to share
Joy or sorrow with.
Tired of trying
Tired of reaching out
To be ignored or rejected.
No one to share
Simple things with
Or talk with
To just hang out.
No one to know
If made it down stairs
Or out to mailbox
Or not,
On a daily basis.
There are those who are there
For big trips and complicated things
via email and Facebook
rarely in person though.
But not the daily little things.
Alone but not a loner,
Never wanted to be,
Not all the time anyway.
Yet here I am alone
Even in a crowd.

14 July 2015

Poem: Alone

Not the way I want to be
I tried to reach out
But only rejection
Or ignored
Can’t take anymore
So stopped trying 
Is what I am.

11 July 2015

Poem: Weight of

The weight of loneliness
Keeps me in place.

The weight of repeated rejection
Holds my tongue.

The weight of oppression
Nearly suffocates me.

All together they muffle my ears.
All together they blur my vision.
All together they slow my thoughts.

I hear no words of true friendship.
I feel no touch of true support.
Only occasional words and
Rare touches come through.

I prayed.
I read scriptures.
I was active in church.
I have faith in Jesus as my savior.

Why am I still weighed down?
Why do I still feel all this pain?