Poem: Healing, Who to Trust?

 

Healing, Who to Trust?

By Abby Weyr

28 October 2023

So many options.

Overwhelmed.

Paralyzed decision making.

No one to sit and talk with

To figure which is best.

Which to prioritize?

Physical

Emotional

Mental

All are a part of me.

How to balance the connection?

Who to trust?

Therapist

Chiropractor

Massage

Regular western medicine

Traditional Chinese medicine

Brain-Neurological

Naturopath

Holistic

Spiritual

Take this pill for this condition.

Do this for that condition.

All say they have the answer.

They all cost money.

Do I have enough?

Who to trust?

Who treat all of me?

They say answers inside of me,

But too little energy to look anymore.

Want a hand to hold.

Don’t want to walk this healing path all alone.

Who to trust as a guide?

So tired of no energy

Don’t know how to fix it.

Don’t know what to fix.

Thyroid or gut or back or emotional trauma

Physical or mental or emotional or spiritual

Have so much that needs to be done

And no help to do it

Just someone to be there and keep me going

Keep me on track

Both physically and in healing.

Everyone busy with own issues and family.

Not connected enough to anyone.

 

Poem: Reaching Out

 

Poem: Reaching Out

By Abby Weyr

25 June 2025

I reach out for connection

And nothing

Am I too subtle?

Or just no one to connect to?

FB delays posts

But even days later

No one asks “How am I?”

“Are you ok?”

I am not ok.

Bump on log.

Can’t do much beyond eat and sleep

Nothing of interests really

Read, here and there

TV, here and there

Better if not around except for mess leave behind.

Poem: Grey Shadow

 

Poem: Grey Shadow

By Abby Weyr, 30 October 2023

All I wanted to be was a grey shadow.

Fly under the radar.

Quietly go about my job.

No notice

Little responsibility.

A simple worker bee,

Not management.

Have time and energy for things

Outside of job.

No one to miss me when dead.

Miss no one when they leave

No one stays.

But it is what I want

Just a simple grey shadow.

It keeps me safe

No connections.

No feelings to hurt.

No feelings of love or joy.

Just flat and safe.

Better than up down inside out feelings

Less confusing.

Simple grey shadow is

Safe and known.

I’ve been successful,

That is all I am a grey shadow.

 

Poem: Hope is a trap

 

Hope is a trap

Abby Weyr 15 April 2023

Hope is a trap.

Things never change.

Hope is a delusion,

Encourage you to try

But always fail.

Nothing changes.

Never get caught up

Much less ahead.

What is the point?

Always more to do

And fail at.

Good for nothing

Good at nothing

Just pebble on path

To avoid.

 

 

 

 

Poem: Everything is hard

 

Poem: Everything is hard

23 March 2023 by Abby Weyr

 

With flow

Against flow

Everything is hard

 

Getting out of bed

Getting cleaned up

Getting dressed

 

Move from bed to recliner

Walking to mail box

Going to church

 

Cleaning CPAP

Changing bed linens

Doing laundry

 

Getting groceries

Fixing meal

Clean up after eating

 

Using toilet

Taking shower

Cleaning bathroom

 

Yes, I can do hard stuff, but

Everything is hard

Even reading

 

Just leave me alone

Let me just sit

Be a bump on log

 

So tired

Want to give up

Wish I could

 

 

But something keeps

Me going even if slow

And kind of miserable.

Poem: Moving through water

 

Poem: Moving through water

Abby Weyr 13 March 2023

 

Still water

Moving water

Both have pressure

 

Water up to neck

Most of time

Sometimes lower

 

Always there to make

It harder to move even

When water is still

 

Sometimes with flow

Sometimes against flow

Always some pressure

 

Doesn’t hurt

Just takes effort

All the time

 

Tired of making

The effort

To move

 

Frequently feel overwhelmed

Not drowning just overwhelmed

And too hard to move

 

Can’t raise feet to float

Or to swim

Only walk

 

Don’t know why

Don’t know what burdens

Hold feet down

 

Don’t know how to see or

How to lift those burdens

That won’t let me swim

 

Or how to let the

Water drain away

To walk free

 

Effort

Energy

Inertia

 

Tired of effort

Little energy

To counter inertia

 

Reduced to

Bump on

Log

 

Feel worthless

Though even a bump on log

Has a purpose

 

Can’t decide where

To go for help

Too many bad decisions

 

Overwhelmed with options

Overwhelmed with decisions

Overwhelmed with backlog of work

 

Tired of constant

Water pressure

Making hard to move

 

Tempted to give up and

Leave mess for others

Better able to handle things

 

 

 

Hard to see this as just a

Temporary problem

Seems like always been there

 

Never goes away

Little faith or hope

To ever be better

 

God and Jesus

Is an answer

Practicing my faith is effort

 

Tired of climbing

Mountain of life

Alone

 

Know life not suppose

To be easy

But not so hard all the time

 

Takes effort to move

From bed to

Recliner

 

Sometimes that is all can do

Even reading is effort

At times

 

Tired of trying

Rebel against

All the should be doing

Poem: Alone

 

Alone

7 March 2023 Abby Weyr

So tired

Doing everything alone

No one to help

No one to do anything for

 

All want to do alone

Is sleep

Read

Maybe eat

 

Tired

Doing what expected

Being where expected

Acting normal

 

Wish I wouldn’t wake

To another alone day

Or another fake it day

Don’t know what real anymore

 

Tired

Pushing against stay in bed

Daily mask cleaning

Daily blood pricking

 

So tired

Doing everything alone

No one to help

No one to do anything for

 

Every day same

Boring stuff

No fun

No company

 

Rare invites

Rare accepting invites from me

Everyone else busy

With someone else

 

Worthless

Bump on log

Hurts to stand

Can’t contribute

 

Hands don’t work so well either

Harder to read

Hard to hear

Hard to decide

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Poem: Stay or Go?

 

Poem: Stay or Go

By Abby Weyr

17-18 June 2025

 

Constant discussion in my head

Stay or Go?

Things and places I should do and be at

But I do not want to leave home

Just stay home in PJs.

Discussion goes on for hours.

Sometimes it ends too late to care.

Does anyone care anymore?

As age the stay home wins more

Take too much energy to overcome the stay

To get ready to go – clean and dress

Especially going alone

Or if too many people will be there.

Am I a prisoner of my mind in my home?

I eat same boring foods

Want to eat tasty foods without side effects

Do the same boring things

Want adventure with a companion

No one interested in sharing

They have their own adventure

I am too different

I am too tired

I am too boring

To have a companion

To share adventures with

Try to encourage self to go alone

Don’t need a companion for adventures

Tired of going alone

Scared as age of going alone and

Not able to deal with what might happen

No one interested in same type of adventures

I invite and get no response

No one invites me along

Feel like I’m a boring burden

Or boring bump on log