Be careful about what you wish for

 

Be careful about what you wish for, you might just get it

Today is 29 October 2021. Found out a couple of things that people didn’t tell me about and feeling very left out, missing an opportunity to do something. Bitter for a minute or two but mostly sad with wet leaky eyes.

I have always wanted, ok maybe just for a very long time, to fly under the radar so to speak. Be a gray shadow, not noticed, no attention, just quietly go about a simple life. Turns out to be mostly true and last few years realized how lonely it is. Don’t want to go out and party but be nice to have a friend to share some time with. Be nice to be wanted and invited to things on occasion. Instead, it seems people mostly don’t want to spend time with me. Once they do, not a second time.

Today’s ‘straw that broke this camel’s back’:

I lent some doTerra On Guard product to The Olympic Coven during Forever Twilight in Forks. It was mostly extra items, but I wanted the left over back if none of them wanted to take it home. FTF was 11-13 September. I have been asking a young lady (YL) cast member that is staying in Forks about getting those left over items back since then, over a month. I made it easy for her – give it to a friend in Forks and I’d come pick it up. No response. I visited friend mid October and nothing from YL.

A few days, maybe a week ago, one member of OC posted that she was going to do a different character for a special Twilight character shoot in November in Forks that was being set up by this YL. Thought that would be cool to see and wondered if open to having visitors. She cosplays some great cross dressing characters outside of Twilight that I would love to see in person. She was also asking for help to get to Forks. I donated via Ko-fi. I didn’t follow up and ask about visiting, figured they wouldn’t.

Today another member of the OC shared a post from another member of the cast for this shoot, not a member of the OC cast [at least not yet]. I donated via his Ko-fi and asked when it was happening. I also sent an IM to the YL about keeping the doTerra to use for this shoot. Mentioned how nice it would be to see it, November is my birthday month. Her reply was that she had passed the doTerra items to my friend already. My friend hadn’t mentioned it to me. This is first the YL had told me that she had passed it along. They had 60 slots for visitors and already filed, didn’t know I would like to come. I’m a big fan of the OC. Support them as much as can. Of course, I’d like to come. Obvious. But I’m not part of their ‘in crowd’ of friends and associates.

I am just a gray shadow, unnoticed, unimportant, useful at times, but otherwise not worthy of notice or anyone’s time and effort. I got what I wished for. 

YL didn’t tell me items passed along. Friend didn’t tell me that had it.

Apparently, it is asking too much to be kept informed.  

Sad missing opportunity to see something that would be fun to see.

This on top of not getting response to needed information that I didn’t hear / follow during the DW RS Presidency meeting. It has only been a day since I sent minutes of meeting and asked for the info. Note the ‘didn’t hear’, how much use is a secretary that can’t hear everything?

This on top of frustration with medical people not listening and helping me feel better. Having to go through unnecessary hoops first. Almost a year now since had little to no energy. I want to do things.

This on top of asking if any locals interested in going to Poulsbo to see The Chosen movie on 1 or 2 December and getting no response.

This on top of a friend saying in spring she’d love to get away and do some day trips on occasion. We did one.

I’m old and concerned that if something should happen that I wouldn’t be able to handle things and take care of myself. I want to get out, but more comfortable doing it with company. Everyone has family, jobs, etc or just not interested in event or me. I don’t want to be at the top of anyone’s list of ‘drop everything and help’ but it would be nice to be on list of ‘let’s see what we can rearrange to help’; it would be nice to be thought of once in a while, remembered for being a good supporting fan/friend, to be invited.

The negative I’m worthless, not good enough, etc thoughts are running around and won’t be caged up and put away.

On the plus side there are people coming to Seattle Temple on my birthday to help me get my brother sealed to our parents.

On the plus side I did get an invitation for Thanksgiving Day dinner that will be GF without being extra work.

Guess I’m just not supposed to be at that shoot in Forks. Sad about that, but….maybe the Lord is keeping me out of trouble. Still sad.

 Update 22 Nov: Yes, I was kept out of trouble. There was a big storm that caused trees down and mud slides to block all the roads in/out of Forks. People were trapped for about three days.